Is modern life making you miserable (and alone)? Science says so.

BY NICK HOBSON, CHIEF BEHAVIORAL SCIENTIST, APEX SCORING SOLUTIONS, BAD SCIENCES AT POTENTIAL PROJECT@NICKMHOBSON

For Inc.

Photo: Getty Images

Money can’t buy happiness.

Well, that’s not entirely true. Having some money helps. But it’s certainly not the biggest contributor to our happiness and well-being. So what is?

Before the big reveal, there are two things to consider.

First, for some of us, we were dealt a good genetic hand. We are predisposed to being happier in life. Our temperamental “wiring” makes us less neurotic, more emotionally stable, and nicer people to be around.

Second, for some of us, we ended up in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time). German philosopher Martin Heidegger calls this “thrownness“, or Geworfen. This is the idea that our experience in life, from birth to death, is arbitrarily determined by where we’re thrown into the world. Born into a specific family in a particular culture or religion at a given moment in human history is a matter of pure dumb luck.

These two things, genetics and Geworfen, are outside our control. And they matter. But what matters just as much, perhaps more, is something that’s within our control: relationships. And even for those of us with less-than-ideal genes, thrown into a less than ideal environment, human connection is the trump card. So why are we forgetting to play it?

No man or woman is an island

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on happiness, has followed 724 men since they were teenagers in 1938, with participants coming from a range of socioeconomic backgrounds. The Harvard team has collected a wealth of data over the 74 years, collating all kinds of personal, psychological, and health indicators and outcomes, and asking their families about their mental and emotional health every two years.

“Personal connection creates mental and emotional stimulation,” says project director, Dr. Robert Waldinger, “and those things are automatic mood boosters, while isolation is a mood buster.”