Want to motivate people? Let them know you’re listening.

BY MINDA ZETLIN, AUTHOR OF ‘CAREER SELF-CARE: FIND YOUR HAPPINESS, SUCCESS, AND FULFILLMENT AT WORK’

For Inc.

Photo: Getty Images

We talk a lot about the importance of emotional intelligence, and how it can help company founders and business executives be better leaders. But how can you tell if you have it or not? To help you figure that out, word usage experts and New York Times bestselling authors Kathryn and Ross Petras have compiled 13 simple phrases that indicate the person saying them is high in emotional intelligence. It’s worth reviewing the entire list in their article at CNBC.com. Here are some that I think are the strongest emotional intelligence indicators.

1. “Could you tell me more about that?”

“People who lack self-awareness only care about their own thoughts and opinions,” the Petrases write. “But emotionally intelligent people are interested in how others feel and what they have to say.”

Actually listening to people–without your phone in hand and paying full attention to what they’re saying–is one of the most emotionally intelligent things you can do, and it’s especially important to do it when you’re the boss. It’s also one of the most powerful motivational tools at your disposal. People who know you really listen to them and care about what they have to say are much likelier to support your goals, and to put in the extra effort to help you succeed. It may seem like you don’t have the time to really listen to employees, but investing that time can really pay off.

2. “I understand what you’re saying, but…”

If you’re about to disagree with someone or overrule them, it’s hugely helpful to let them know that you have heard and understand their point of view. Whether you’re talking to an employee, a partner, or someone outside your company, your goal should usually be to “arrive at a mutually agreeable solution,” the Petrases write. Anger, insults, or intellectual superiority won’t get you there, but saying something like this just might.

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